Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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