is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
