good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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