I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
