Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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