I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
