The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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