I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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