im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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