Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
