Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
