Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
