I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
