votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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