dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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