I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
