I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
