can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
