Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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