my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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