the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
