So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
