please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
