Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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