am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
