I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
