You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
