Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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