im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
