I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
