my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
