I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
