And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
