I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
