first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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