i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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