Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
