The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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