dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
