Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
