Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
