THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
BRING THE BAGELS
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize