You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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