We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize