Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
