i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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