She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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