i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
