Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
