i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
