So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
