Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
