My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize