About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
