we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
