R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize